lisamoe | Entries tagged with funny

Today at work was just blah and boring, so nothing about that. After work though, I hurried home and told the kids if they could get ready in under 10 minutes, I'd take them out to the Turkey Mountain Urban Wilderness Area and we could hike until the sun started to set. They were all for the plan, so we rushed over and walked a way up the 5-mile path to a ridge that overlooks South Tulsa and Jenks. It's nice up there, and only about a mile along the path, though it is pretty much uphill all the way. Of course the walk back is much easier if you turn around right there.

While walking, I asked the kids what superpowers they'd have if they could have superpowers. Jesse said "flying and super martial arts skills." Pretty standard stuff. Then Dingo said "invisibility.....and driving." I guess in his world driving is a superpower. So I asked them how they would fight crime with their powers and Jesse had a plan for beating up criminals with flying kung fu, etc. Dingo, however opined that he wasn't going to FIGHT crime, but rather would use his driving powers to drive to WalMart and his invisibility to take all the Lunchables when no one could see him. I see that I still have work to do with Dingo.

After our hike we went to the Chicken Char, where Jesse ran in and ordered us all food to go, and then we came home and watched "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" together. It was a good night.

Current Mood: amused

Note to self: Attempting small home repairs with a leaky tube of superglue is not a good idea if you like having individual fingers rather than a mitten for a hand.

So I just got a call from young Jesse on my Mom's cell phone. He's very excited and saying "We're at that consignment sale you sent us to right now and guess what I bought for $30?!?" I say "New slacks to wear to GG's funeral?" which is what I sent them to the consignment sale for, and he replies "No, a TUXEDO! I've always wanted one!"

Um, so now my 9 year old has a tuxedo. We don't EVER go anywhere that one needs to wear a tuxedo, unless they've instituted a new dress code at Burger King since last time we were there. Am I now obligated to take him out to the Warren Duck Club just because he bought a tuxedo?

We're going to the zoo right after work tonight. I hope he doesn't show up in that tux, but I'm not taking any bets.

Today at Campfire, the kindergarteners (Dingo is a kindergartner as of today!) and first graders were playing Simon Says.

Leader: "Simon says look happy!" (Kids look happy)
First kid: "Simon says run in place!" (Kids run in place)
Second kid: "Simon says look mad!" (Kids make angry faces)
Dingo: "Simon says act like a black hole!" (Kids look around, puzzled)
Leader: "Dingo, I don't think they understand what you mean, can Simon tell them to do something else?"
Dingo: "Simon says eat a big worm."

Clearly, Dingo is off to a rousing start at Campfire this year. Jesse, while more cooperative and also clear on the concept of black holes, was entirely unable to make a simple mobile from a coathanger, string and beads. You know how smart he is, but he just can't cope with crafts. If it has popsicle sticks, yarn, glue or involves scissors, it's very likely going to be a big frustrating mess. He's more of an idea man.

Well, I had big plans for getting my grocery shopping and some laundry done last night, but what I actually ended up doing was getting my eyebrows waxed and watching a DVD. My eyebrows do look great, but now I feel a little guilty that I didn't get more done.

Jesse called me here at work about an hour ago and said "Hey, how would you like a free sushi lunch? If you want one, I'll have one of my people get in touch with you at noon." *blink blink blink* ...one of his PEOPLE? I'm not sure Jesse should be thinking of his grandmother and brother as his staff, though for all I know he's hired an assistant and that's what he means. Or maybe he's been hired as an executive somewhere, although you'd think I'd have to sign some sort of permission slip or something.

My grandma is in the hospital for the third day. They thought she might be having heart problems, but it seems to be her ongoing liver issues. Kind of sucks to be a lifelong Southern Baptist teetotaller and then end up with liver problems. I went down there the day they admitted her, but I guess I should go back this afternoon and visit.

In other news, my office has dropped to about 32 degrees, my coffee has little ice floes in it and there's a polar bear family living in my file cabinet. Well, maybe it's not that bad, but it is pretty frigid in here. I can't wait til one of Jesse's people gets in touch with me so we can go do lunch someplace warmer.

So this morning I'm sitting at my desk and I get a transfer call from somewhere in the building. I pick it up and a very professional voice says "This is KRMG news and we were wondering if you could give us a comment on the morning-after pill." I'm thinking, well this is odd, KRMG never wanted my opinion before, but I do have one...and then the clinic assistant comes running around the corner saying "I transferred that call to the wrong person!" So I had to transfer it to someone else and didn't get to be on the conservative news espousing my feminist views, darn it. Probably for the best, no?

I'm back from Chicago. I am tired and just stunned with the sheer amount of stuff we did the last four days, so I'll maybe post it tomorrow instead of tonight. It was a very good trip and I'm glad we made it home, which was by no means certain after we got caught in a traffic jam this afternoon and got to the airport nearly late for our flight, only to find out we were on the NO FLY LIST! We got it cleared up, but it delayed us another 20 minutes or so. Our plane was delayed 30 minutes though, so it all worked out. I still have no idea why we were on the list. We just flew in February. Maybe it was because Dingo made too many bathroom trips on that flight, lol.

Something funny from my email today. For my girls. :-)

"I was due later in the week for an appointment with the gynecologist. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been scheduled for that morning at 9:30am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort.

So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal... some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles in it."

Real live conversation from this afternoon...

Dingo: Guess how much allowance I have?
Me: You don't get an allowance, Dingo.
Jesse: How much?
Dingo: One googleplex, two dollars and 28 cents.
Jesse: *looks at me* How come he gets a googleplex and I get thirty dollars?
Me: Dingo doesn't have a googleplex dollars.
Jesse: Dingo, we should use that money to feed the poor.
Dingo: *maniacally* I'm going to use it to buy...the Earth!

Funny from my email this morning...

I recently attended a small business marketing seminar at which the speaker
used actual examples to reinforce her teaching points. She told a delightful
story about a coffeeshop that distinguished itself from the competition by
prominently displaying a warning sign that read: "Unattended children will
be given a double espresso and a free puppy!"

Tonight we went to the PAC to see Hairspray. Most have you have likely seen the movie if not the play, but if you haven't, in a nutshell it's a comedy about a fat but talented girl who manages to get on to 60s dance show and wants to integrate it with her black friends, while also getting the cute guy and having the best hair. It was fabulous by the way, and Jesse pronounced getting to see a Broadway musical "the very best night of my life" so I guess it was worth the $50 to get him a ticket, though now I may have to get him acting lessons too, but that's another story.

Anyway, in the car on the way over, I reminded Jesse about the civil rights struggles of the 50s and 60s and how it used to be before that, to make sure he would understand that theme in the show. In the course of that, I told him that he could ask my Mom what it was like back then when she was a kid and about any protests she remembered from the 60s or anything since she lived through those days. He then asked me, in all seriousness, "So back then, was Grandma a black kid or a white kid?" Speechless for a moment, I answered, trying not to laugh, that Grandma was a white kid. THEN he asked me if he knows any black kids. So I told him which kids at his Campfire (who he has known for four years!) are black and he looked at me like I was nutty. You know, other people don't register on him the way numbers and facts do, but that was a little weird even for him. Gotta love that kid though. :-)